021714
By Unknown 7:55 AM Motherhood, Sutter Joseph
2 years ago today we found out we were 9 short (and long) months away from being a family of 3. I woke up, and was officially 2 days late. So I got dressed, went and got a test, and took it knowing what it was going to tell me. I knew my body well enough to know something was different. I remember going to the guest room while waiting for those never ending 2 minutes to be up. I walked back into the bathroom and saw what I knew I would; 2 pink lines. Thinking about it now, I think I was in shock. I remember feeling excited, but so scared it was almost paralyzing. I immediately wanted to call and tell Dalton, but it wasn't really news to deliver over the phone. And unfortunately, he was working 2 jobs and I wouldn't see him until 9 that evening. It was a very long day to say the least.
It was President's Day (I think) so I wasn't student teaching and had plans to go to St. Joseph to see my sisters-in-love and my nieces and nephew. I had to act like everything was completely normal while basically having an internal panic/anxiety attack. Sorry, Jillian and Nicole for lying to (through omission) you both that day. I called the doctor on the way home, but then hung up because that made it too real and I hadn't even told my baby daddy yet! I called and hung up several times before my mom answered and then when she called back I just acted cool as a cucumber. I think I lost a little of my brain power that day (pretty sure I never got it back). My emotions were literally like a damn circus (firetrucking crazy).
I was scared that something would happen to baby, scared that I had no idea how to be someone's mom, scared because I wasn't sure I wanted to be someone's mom yet, guilty because I felt scared, excited to be growing our future child, and terrified of what everyone was going to think. We were so young, not even married a year, I was still student teaching, we didn't have the house with the picket fence, or the heavily padded savings account, basically we weren't prepared. I was terrified my parents would be disappointed because I wasn't done with school (so dumb, but like I said I was basically certifiable at this point).
I really don't remember much else about the day, I think I spent the majority of it in St. Joe trying to wait it out until Dalton came home at 9. However, I do remember that I just shoved the pregnancy test in a bathroom drawer and was freaking out Dalton was going to find it when he came home from his 1st job to change for his 2nd. Awesome, my husband is going to be looking for his deodorant and find my pee stick and just pass out on the bathroom floor (if you know Dalton you know this isn't a stretch). Luckily, that didn't happen.
I passed some time by making a sign that said "Big Sister: Duty Starts October 2014." When it got close to 9 I put it around Stella's (our dog) neck and we waited for the future father to walk through the door. When I did finally hear him opening the front door I was so nervous- my heart was beating a mile a minute. I told Dalton (before he was even completely in the door mind you), "Stella has something she wants to tell you." And before she was even down the hallway Dalton said, "Oh my gosh! What?!" I think I probably asked him if he was excited multiple times, because with him it's hard to know sometimes. I'm about 98% sure he was also internally having minor heart palpitations. I know we talked that night about how to tell our families and that we were both nervous, but honestly I can't remember specifics.
It's 2 years later and now we have a 16-month-old who is currently trying to rip out my hair, climb the chair, and reach a stuffed animal that's hanging from the ceiling all simultaneously. I did finish school, and we are 2 years older, but we still don't have the heavily padded saving account, the house with the picket fence (however our house is pretty cute regardless), and I'm still not prepared for the daily crazy that Sutter brings to our lives.
We are still young and have loads to figure out, but here are somethings I do know... Sutter is sweet- he gives hugs, kisses, and wipes away momma's tears while she cries over Harry Potter. He is funny- he dances more than he walks, he has a really good resting b-word face, and he does jumping belly flops (purposefully) onto anything soft. He is smart- he knows his dogs name, he says bye-bye and hi, he can find his belly, he is getting really good at using a spoon, and his problem-solving skills rival my own (not really, but they are really good). He is everything I was and wasn't prepared for, he is everything that scared and still scared me sleepless, he is everything good about me and his dad rolled into one tiny, always moving, adorable little boy.
So, 2 years ago we got a pretty big surprise. But that surprise is literally the very best thing that has happened to me for 730 days. And I'm so lucky that tomorrow I'll wake up and get to experience the 731st day of pure joy, exhaustion, love, frustration, craziness that a little bean, who would later be know as, Sutter Joseph Liu brought into our lives exactly 2 years ago today.
